The Work

“Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. – Rumi.

Can you think of a time when someone really listened to you, meaning listened without

  • Advising
  • Analyzing
  • Avoiding
  • Care-taking
  • Consoling
  • Correcting
  • Criticizing
  • Diagnosing
  • Dismissing
  • Educating
  • Evaluating
  • Fixing
  • Identifying
  • Interrogating
  • Minimizing
  • One-upping
  • Reassuring
  • Shutting down
  • Story-telling, and
  • Sympathizing

If you can remember an experience of really being heard, how did it feel? If you cannot remember an experience where you were heard fully, what do you imagine it would feel like?  How would it be if you could have this kind of attentive listening in all your relationships?

The training, coaching, and mediation my colleagues and I offer help people to really see and hear each other so that they can, through a clearer understanding of themselves and each other, connect.  Through this connection, we find ways to willingly give each other more of what is life-serving to us. We can ask for what we want and stay in dialogue even where there are differences.

My experience is that learning this kind of communication offers a lot of inner peace, creates strong relationships based on trust and mutual care, builds inner resilience and genuine self-acceptance, and increases our sense of aliveness.  Where there is a commitment to learning, it can enrich marriages, prevent divorce (or bring about peaceful divorce agreements), re-build connections with children or other family members, and dissolve behaviours that disrupt learning and play.

Anyone can learn this kind of communication. The basic principles of collaborative communication (also called compassionate communication) can start to create transformation from day one and more comes with greater understanding and practice.

Click here to find out more about Process Works' training, coaching, and mediation.